When it comes to food, I’m as sharp as a box of marbles.

You know those people that can just look at a scorzonera and get pregnant inspired?

That’s not me. I’m not a cook. Actually, I know at least one CaveHusband who would argue I’m not even qualified to own a slap-chop.

This goes back to my childhood. Below is a picture of me, taken immediately following the suggestion that I watch an episode of the Dinner at Julia’s.

"I HATE French cooking!"

That didn’t go over well.

There are some amazing, creative Paleo-Primal-Weston Price -Real Food bloggers whose output includes the most delicious recipes I’ve ever haphazardly followed. Their contribution to society has literally kept my little family alive since we embarked on this way of life. Without them, it’d be rubbery chicken, steamed broccoli, and microwaved bacon every night. And we’d probably teeter precariously on the edge of multiple Chipotle binges every week.

Because of you, Real Foodies, I am much less of a terrified, helpless baby – and much more of a wide-eyed, excited woman helpless baby:

"I've never seen so many heirloom tomatoes in one place!"

The inspiration I’ve gained from the rest of the food bloggers I follow enabled me to overcome a desperate situation the other day. I opened the refrigerator and found a desolate wasteland:

Half an onion

2 eggs

A nearly-empty bag of coconut flour

2 pieces of leftover sausage bites from the Make It Paleo cookbook

The freezer offered a bit more hope with a few emergency provisions: a bag of frozen peppers and a half-bag of frozen chopped spinach.

It was going to be the most adequate yet underwhelming breakfast of all time. And breakfast, when executed properly, is literally the greatest thing since Zooey Deschanel.

I’m ashamed to admit that I can’t remember whose brilliant ideas inspired my innovation, but to whomever it was: Thank you.

I fried the egg…

I fried the onion…

I sauteed the peppers and sausage…

I sauteed the spinach…

And then I dressed up like the Starchild from Kiss and started rocking out. And here’s what happened:

I squeezed the excess moisture out of the spinach (hey, sometimes Paleo cookin’ ain’t elegant) and added a bit of coconut flour and one egg white. (Paleo Pooch got the yolk.)

And then I fried that sucker until it was AWESOME.

This took the breakfast from standard to “Shock Me” status.

Spinach patties: The greatest thing since zucchini patties. And all the other kinds of patties.

The post Helpless Baby Breakfast appeared first on Cave Girl Eats.

Postamble: (Get it? Is that a pun?) In the last week my region has suffered an earthquake, tornadoes, and a hurricane. What. The. Hell.

I hope everyone got through the East Coast ‘cane safely. We were lucky – despite preparing for a (EARMUFFS) sh*tstorm, we basically ended up with more of a wet you-know-what. (Use your imagination.) I know that wasn’t the case for everyone – we were lucky, and I’m grateful.

Anyhow, the Earth seems to be as restless as I am. I’ve been craving something new and different lately.

It’s slightly odd, because I do have a tendency to embrace the familiar and hold on to the “old.” I mean, I don’t hoard things…but I do have a seriously old toe ring from Claire’s in my jewelry box, right next to a tarnished “belly bracelet” that I used to wear with a mock-turtleneck crop top. (Yeah. That happened.) But aside from my slight “sassy CrossFit T-shirt” addiction, that’s the extent of it. I maintain no creepy doll collection and I have exactly zero feral cats.

So I’m not talking Eat, Pray,Barf Love-type restlessness. (I contend that the only greater literary waste of time than EPL is Twilight. Sorrys.) I don’t want to trade in the Cave Husband or anything. (My husband is pretty much Channing Tatum, Captain America, and Noah from The Notebook all wrapped into one. I’m astonished I was able to trick him into marrying me. I’m keeping him.)

So what I’ve really had a bug in my britches about lately is getting a good dose of new flavors. I’m usually happy with a repetitive menu (I’m no cook – have you noticed that this “food blog” is rarely about FOOD? How doeees she do it?) but lately I’ve been needing a dose of…Santa Fe.

I love Santa Fe – it is one of the most gorgeous, pedestrian-friendly places I’ve ever been, and the regional hiking is amazing. The food, the colors, and the climate are all unbelievable. Fire-roasted chiles and Georgia O’Keeffe – what more does one city need?

…So I made you read ALL THAT just to get to this recipe. (If I haven’t told you before, you should probably skip through everything I write.  Complaining, idle gossip, or re-watching The Princess Bride are much better uses of your time.)

This delicious breakfast was inspired by the hungover chipper pre-wedding breakfast we had at the Guadalupe Cafe whilst in SF for a friend’s wedding a few years ago.

Critical to this recipe is the chile verde sauce – which is AWESOME because it is delicious and ridiculously easy to make. You’ll actually cook the eggs in it. The foundation of the sauce, of course, is tomatillo; but you can use a few different types of peppers: Anaheim, legit “New Mexico” chile peppers (if you’re fortunate enough to live there) or Serrano. I chose Serrano.

Recipe: “Santa Feggs” *(lord I hope that’s non-offensive wordplay)

Part One:  Chile Verde Sauce

Ingredients:

Approximately 1 lb. tomatillos

Handful Serrano chile peppers (slice & seed them if you’re a total heat wuss, like me)

½ white onion, chopped

Handful of finely chopped cilantro

A few tomatoes, if desired

Squeeze of lime juice

Sea salt

I made this cutting board in 8th grade "woodshop." It looks like a duck. It was supposed to be a square. I really tried to make it square.

Process:

First, roast the peppers (seeded or whole) in the oven.  I put them under the broiler, and they were donesky within about 3 minutes. Watch carefully!

Meanwhile, set a pot of water to boil. Peel the husks from the tomatillo and boil the naked buggers for about 5 minutes so soften a bit.

Now you’re ready for the hard part: Put everything in the blender and puree. Boom – fire-roasted chile verde sauce.

Part Two: “Feggs”

Ingredients:

Eggs.

Process:

Take the fire-roasted salsa verde and pour into a skillet. Bring it to a bubble (which is my technical term for what this thicker sauce does when it “simmers.”) Crack your eggs on top of the sauce (like you’re frying them) and cover so the steam cooks the top of the egg. It won’t look pretty, but it will taste ah-mohhzing.

Remove the eggs along with a scoop of the Chile Verde Sauce. Serve with chorizo! (recipe in this post)

The post Santa Feggs appeared first on Cave Girl Eats.

But dang it, I love them all. I refuse to throw them out. I will, however, keep them in that cabinet, far from the light of day until they’re useful to me again. Maybe for a dishware version of The Hottie and the Nottie. (the Pottie and the Pannie?)

Ugh. Jokes falling flat today.

Happily, the sad state of my older cookware opened the (cabinet) door for a new star to shine. My cast iron pan is my favorite. It’s the well-aged Estevez to my cracked-out Sheen. It’s never disappointed me.

Imagine my shock when I walked into my kitchen one morning and discovered that, in that brothel of a cookware cabinet, it wasn’t the celebupans, but my sweet, innocent cast iron who’d created the scandal. Meet the spawn:

So I’m now the proud adoptive parent of two illegitimate mini cast-irons. What else can I do but embrace the situation and make adorable mini-frittatas?

Eggs – delicious, nutritious, nature’s-perfect-food eggs – are probably the cornerstone of my diet. Eggs are to Me as Shrimp is to Bubba Gump. You can boil them, broil them, quiche them, scramble them, poach them, bake them, fry them, coddle them, pickle them, souffle them…

And you can frittata them. Anything goes with a frittata, and it may be the quickest way to have breakfast made for the whole week in one shot. To put it gently – while frittatas can surely be finessed into light, fluffy Spanish delights, they’re also excellent territory for crappy cooks. (Um, have you noticed that my little “Paleo/Primal Recipe Blog” has about three recipes on it? Crappy. Cook.)

There are a few accepted ways to make frittatas. You can flip, bake or broil them after allowing the eggs to set partially on the stovetop. As I’m about as hapless as Henrietta Lowell, I prefer the ease of popping it under the broiler for a few minutes.

Kitchen Scandal Frittata: How-to

Preheat your broiler.

Coat your oven-safe (illegitimate cast iron baby) pan(s) with plenty of butter, coconut oil, lard or ghee and saute your choice of veggies and meat (the “innards”) over medium to medium-high heat.

While the innards cook, beat a few eggs (anywhere from 2 to 12 depending on the size of your pan), adding 1/2 tablespoon of cream for every 2-3 eggs. When the meat & veggies are cooked, pour the egg mix over them.

Allow the eggs to set briefly, then use a spatula to lift the cooked portion and allow uncooked egg to flow underneath. Do this once for mini-pans, a few more times for larger frittatas. Just be sure that the egg is 80% set. (It can look ugly.)

When most of the egg is set, but the top is still uncooked, pop the cast iron under the broiler to complete. It should only take a few minutes.

Use a potholder. Use a potholder. Use a potholder. Otherwise…ow.

Is this the broiler? Or is this heaven?

And now, my obscure-movie-reference-loving friend, you’ve got a frittata. Serve with salsa & avocado on top, or make a fun eggish sandwich out of it. It’s also delicious cold!

The post Kitchen Scandal Frittatas appeared first on Cave Girl Eats.

So let’s pretend “Best. Week. Ever.” is ONE word, so I can say:

“If I had to pick ONE WORD to describe this week, it would be: BestWeekEver.”

Having the Cavehusband home has refreshed my love for cooking and for enjoying Primal eating. I encourage anyone who has gotten bored with their Primal fixin’ routine to invite a friend over and cook a nice “Paleo-style” meal for them. Not only does it inspire conversation about this lifestyle, but it renews your appreciation for the choices you’re making when you “show & tell” with someone else.

And in case you’re curious as to the technical term for what the hubby & I have termed our WSM (Winter Snuggle Madness), we coined a new term on the CGE Facebook page: “Hubbernation.” Yes?

We’ve been cooking with CrossFit Love’s 30-Day Paleo Challenge in mind. Be sure to read this interview with John Durant (of Colbert Report Vegan-Crushing fame). It’s a great overview of interpreting “Paleo” personally, with a little CrossFit Humility thrown in. Check out this “teaser” quote, and my favorite point of the interview:

“Whether you end up doing an “orthodox” paleo approach, a close variant, or something completely different, you’ll end up healthier and more knowledgeable about yourself, your body, and your capabilities.”

This is exactly what the “Primal” lifestyle means to me. Well said! John’s website is Hunter-Gatherer.

So here are a few dishes we’ve enjoyed this week; both home & away.

First, Burrito Mondays at one of our favorite places in the region, The Tortilla Press. I wrap my “burritos” like I wrap my hands in a CrossFit WOD – as in, not at all:

But unlike the CrossFit WOD, wherein you really SHOULD wrap your hands (I will never believe that torn calluses are a badge of honor), there’s not a burrito in the universe that NEEDS that chalky, tasteless, flour-filled wrapper. More proof that staying “Paleo” while at a restaurant is easy-peasy.

Spicy beef, pico, cilantro salad, chorizo, hot sauce, jalapeno.

Sweet potato, jalapeno, guac, chorizo, pico, and shredded pork.

Yes, I bring my camera with me on romantic dinners with the CaveHusband. It’s a tradition rooted in ancestral compulsions, don’t you see? It’s the modern Cave Drawing.

Next, an old favorite – roasted brussels sprouts.

I posted a recipe for roasted sprouts within my Dairy post at Steve’s Original, and I know plenty of Paleo friends like Life As A Plate and Nom Nom Paleo have awesome sprout recipes as well.

Next, something that’s sure to become a favorite: Primal Palate’s Roasted Root Vegetable Hash. I’ve been making Mark’s Daily Apple’s version for some time, but Bill & Hayley’s recipe is a classic, refined, Mother-In-Law appropriate recipe that takes Hash to the next level. I won’t give the recipe away – follow the link above for the full procedure – but I’ll show you the opening act:

And the closing ceremonies:

When I eat MDA’s hash I’m usually generally unwashed (okay, filthy) and in a pair of dirty sweats and holey socks (probably not matching). That’s not to say MDA’s isn’t delicious; it’s just a bit less refined, and there’s certainly a time & place for that.

Hayley and Bill’s recipe inspires me to shower, dry at least the front part of my hair, and put on an adorable apron. (Hayley and Bill, you inspire me to SHOWER! The CaveHusband thanks you!)

That concludes the Hubbernation issue of CGE Gastro-Tourism. I’ll close with two fellas that I could just eat up:

My two favorite guys.

The post Gastro-Tourism: The Hubbernation Issue appeared first on Cave Girl Eats.

Just kidding. But have you heard that Kashi now has as much protein as an egg?

I KNEW there was something fishy going on in that coop.

Badly executed Paintbrush drawings aside, I’m impressed that Kashi has the Cojones (pardon my French) to make a statement comparing their product to the second Love of My Life, the Egg. I suppose once you eat around the soy protein concentrate, the canola oil, and the autoimmune grab-bag of grains, you’ll be hunger-free for at least 15 minutes.

Find my latest post on my favorite non-Kashi source of protein here, or by clicking on the image below.

The post Paleo Eggheads appeared first on Cave Girl Eats.

My happy thought ... is having better highlights than Rufio.

Okay, seriously now. My happy thought – and DEFINITELY my husband’s happy thought – is that the KANSAS CITY CHIEFS are going to the PLAYOFFS! This is a big deal. But it’s a lonely life being a Chiefs fan in the greater Philly area. There IS a super-secret Chiefs bar whose location I cannot reveal…but it’s just not the same as a crazy Sunday at Our Lady of The Loudest Stadium in the NFL.

The real sin? Non-Polarized sunglasses.

So I decided to practice our Lonely Tailgaters breakfast. I wanted to make something that combined adherence to the CrossFit Love’s 30 Day Challenge with fan-appropriate fare. Enter the Food Lover’s Grain-Free Breakfast Burrito. I made the “tortilla” with 3 egg whites, and saved the yolks in a small dish covered with cool water in the fridge. I added spinach to the ground beef and turned out a Chiefs Masterpiece.

"That's great...but who are the Chefs?" ... "Great Googly-Moogly."

Because Bill’s Taco spice mix makes lots of extra and I save glass jars like it’s my job, I made myself a little bottle of CaveGirl seasoning. Cute, right?

Cave Girl Seasons.

The post The Lonely Tailgaters appeared first on Cave Girl Eats.

Turkey Hash : Christmas CaveGirl :: Breadsticks at the Olive Garden : Carb Addict. (My name is Cave Girl, and I’m a Holiday-aholic.)

Christmas CaveGirl watched A Christmas Story back-to-back EIGHT times. She watched It’s A Wonderful Life twice in a row – first, remastered color version; then traditional black & white. She will ONLY watch the cartoon Grinch. Christmas CaveGirl made almond flour cookies and thick-cut bacon for Santa and answered the phone “Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?” for three weeks prior to 12/25. She made her CaveHusband hang lights in October. She drove 1 hour each way to the Spruce Goose Farm to pick out five fresh wreaths and a live Canadian Spruce (with its whimsical needles and minty-evergreen fragrance), covered it with lights, and promptly left for a 2-week visit with family. Why? Because the holidays. are. fun.

So I’m not ready to let go yet. I have to slowly wean myself off the Holiday Cheer from now until Groundhog Day. I’ll incorporate turkey into nearly every meal until I start to gobble in my sleep.

So here’s an easy way to incorporate leftover Holiday Turkey into a sweet, comforting, single-serving breakfast (because all the Scrooges around here are right back to their pre-holiday routines like NOTHING EVER HAPPENED).

Ingredients:

1 cup turkey, shredded

1/4 cup apple, chopped

1 tsp. cumin

1 Tbs. coconut oil

Combine all in a skillet on med-high and mix. Allow mixture to brown.

If you love Breakfast as much as you love Holidays, you may want to poach an egg to plop on top.

Somebody save me from myself.

The post Quick Turkey Hash appeared first on Cave Girl Eats.

A nice mug of Cave Girl Cafe coffee rounded it all out.

Sweet potato, bacon and coffee. The three food groups.

The post Breakfast makes me happy. appeared first on Cave Girl Eats.

Dinner was…interesting.

The coconut chicken curry recipe I adapted from Mark’s Daily Apple Primal Blueprint Cookbook was pretty flawless, but apparently when you watch your first-ever half-hour of The Food Network immediately before cooking dinner you get an over-inflated sense of bravery.

What I’m saying is – sometimes it’s better to stick to the recipe.

I boldly scooped out volumes of coconut oil, tossed in curry spices with a grand flourish, and pretty much re-created the following scene from The Big Chill…by myself. Except for they are cleaning up, and I…I was destroying.

(I just feel like nothing could feel better than rejecting Jeff Goldblum’s advances. AmIRIGHT?)

I added cauliflower rice instead of chopped cauliflower and forgot all about the cabbage. What I ended up with looked like this:

Coconut Curry Chicken Gruel

It actually tasted pretty good, although my strategy was so flawed it made it difficult to put this one in the “W” column.

(I’m sure there’s a football analogy in there somewhere? Da Bearss? Rudy? Brett Favre?)

The post Jeff Goldblum, Brett Farve, et. Al. appeared first on Cave Girl Eats.

Today began with a very appreciative moment between myself and an acorn squash that’s been in the fridge for at least a month. This little trooper didn’t age a day in that month, and made a delicious breakfast – and soon, lunch – on this crisp morning.

Simply adorable.

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. To prep the squash, simply slice off the stem and the point at the opposite end. Slice in half and scoop out seeds with a spoon – keep the seeds.

The flesh should be bright and firm.

Brush the orange parts with a bit of coconut oil and place cut-side down in a glass dish. Bake for about 35 minutes. While it’s cooking, you could get ready for work, clean up the kitchen, feed the dog, or check out Perez Hilton. (I’ll let you guess which task I undertook.)

Side note – is anyone else TOTES shaking their head at how quickly Miley grew up? I mean, HELLO leopard print!

While the squash bakes, toss the seeds in a bit of oil and add 1/2 Tsp. of Serrano Chili powder. Place the seeds on parchment paper and bake for the last 5-7 minutes with the squash, scooching them around once.

The Serrano Chili powder adds some intense heat.

Meanwhile, chop up half a Granny Smith apple and a few walnuts. Saute with 1 Tbs. cinnamon for about 5 minutes in lots of grass-fed butter or coconut oil. The smell of the cinnamon will put you in a great mood. Trust me.

Once the squash is done, place the apple mixture in the hollow of one half. Enjoy as part of your breakfast (supplemented by bacon, of course). This would also make a GREAT Thanksgiving side-dish, or even dessert!

The fat content from the butter or oil makes this a filling breakfast.

I also cooked up some Italian sausage from Cherry Grove Farm along with a can of organic diced tomatoes and tossed in some oregano, minced onion, garlic powder and thyme. While I don’t have the most delicate palate, I believe it’s hard to overuse these spices and they make such a great lazy-man’s tomato sauce when there’s no time for chopping or dicing. I’ll top the second half of the squash with the sausage-tomato mixture for lunch this afternoon.

So now you know everything about me. Happy Friday!

I’d also like to congratulate Cave Mom for successfully completing the All-Day Skillet yesterday! Cave Cooking only gets more fun, mom! Keep sending pics!

Way to go, Paleo Momma!

The post My Squashy Side. appeared first on Cave Girl Eats.